I love this Doctor

Again, not sure who the author is...arrived in the email. For those who are like me...THESE ARE NOT FATS, JUST RELAXED MUSCLES. Read on...

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer ; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ...... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans ! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:
'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'

AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies done by Americans.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION:

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Noah and the Ark

Received this via email and unable to attribute this to the author:

In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in Malaysia , and said: Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flash before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans.

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard but no Ark.

Noah! He roared, I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark ?

Forgive me, Lord, begged Noah, 'but things have changed.

First I need to have a BUMIPUTRA PARTNER who is linked to UMNO then I needed a building permit from DBKL and also have to pay under counter money To get the permit.

Then I've been arguing with the BOMBA inspector about the need for a sprinkler system.

My neighbors complained to The Malay Mail of the height of the ark I was going to build and the next day it was in the headlines claiming that I've violated the neighborhood building by-laws that my Ark is exceeding the height limitations. I appealed to the magistrate and it was approved.

The Opposition took advantage of the situation and said I was a government crony and did nasty things with my face on the Internet. I don’t know how they superimposed my face on a naked body with naked MP’s and portrayed it on the U TUBE. Oh Lord you are the all knowing and I did not take the photos of the MP.

Then there was a another stop work order even before I could start work. The Badan Cegah Rasuah arrested me for pornography.

I talked to a lawyer who looks like Ambitah Bachan talk like him Acts like him but is not him ...said he knows the Chief Justice and the Prime Minister the Apa ..nama ... and can clear my name but i have to buy them tickets to Austrilia.

After clearing my name ...I had to again go to the DBKL Appeal Board for a decision to allow me to build the Ark.

Then government after approving the plans said I must use only SIRIM approved goods and must buy from their list of CLASS F contractors which are 15 times more expensive than the china-man hardware shop.

Then the TNB and JPJ demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark 's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us but they would hear nothing of it.

Getting the wood was another problem. SUKHAM and the JABATAN HUTAN NEGARA said There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the orang utan.

I tried to convince SUKHAM and JABATAN HUTAN NEGARA that I needed the wood to save the orang hutan – but they said no go.

When I started gathering the animals, JAKIM and an Animal rights group sued me. JAKIM said I cannot put the chickens and the pigs next to each other as it WILL NOT BE CONSIDERED HALAL and The animal group insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

Then JABATAN KERJA RAYA AND JABATAN KAJIAN dan GALIAN ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an Environmental Impact study on your proposed flood.

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many bumiputra contractors I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.

JABATAN IMMIGRASI and RELA are checking the status of most of the people who want to work.

The trade unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only union workers with Ark-building experience.

As I started to CLEAR THE AREA TO BUILD THE ARK 6 gangsters came and demanded for protection money. And said they will control the area for selling of drugs and prostitution to my workers.

When I complained to the POLIS.... the next day the IGP of POLIS sent an ASP who came in full uniform unfortunately he also happens to be one from the six gangsters who were demanding protection money and doubled my protection fee.

Then there was a by-election and I was forced to be an UMNO member to get my permits approved and made to pay a donation by the Barisan Candidate in the so called spirit of MUHIBBAH Other wise he will make my life difficult when I did not, as I was already your member …

Every department I turn to is asking what they call “Kopi Wang”.

I calculated that if I had to pay all the so called “Kopi wang” and give the donation the cost to build the ARK will be 20 times more higher… I refused to give them the Kopi Wang as I am faithfull to you Oh Lord.

Then Some top level politicians say we very disappointed with me for not giving donations and called me a murtad but i told them my name is Noah not murtad they got very angry and said they have connections.

Suddenly I am a suspect behind the murder of the Mongolian lady because the place where she was murdered happens to be on the land where I am going to make the Ark and was arrested.

To make matters worse, the Jabatan HASIL seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species. I have just been released from ISA.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark.

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, 'You mean you're not going to destroy the world?'

'No,' said the Lord.

'The Malaysian Government beat me to it!'

A question of good customer service

Even though it has been almost 11 months since I purchased my O2 XDA IIi PDA phone from Harvey Norman (Ikano Power Centre), the bad customer service and after sales service still leaves a bitter memory.

What rekindle this bad memory was a friend of mine who had intended to buy an electrical appliance from Harvey Norman and he asked me for my opinion on Harvey Norman. And guess what was my reply? A rhetoric of what bad customer service I endured from Harvey Norman.

To recap the incident, my purchase was a defective product (dead pixel on the screen). This was forgiveable as I did not expect the staff of HN to check every item they received from the distributor. But what was annoying was the staff and 'so-called' manager in charge of the PDA section. They received the defective PDA and said they will let me know when the PDA will be rectified. No problem with that, but then no reply from them for almost 3 weeks and I had to go to HN to find out the status of the repair.

I made an appointment with the sales staff that sold the PDA to me. Guess what? the staff was on leave and the 'so-called' manager did not even know of my appointment. I asked if he was the manager in charge and he replied he was. Sales staff missing and manager in the dark. Asked him to check his returned merchandise list to find out the status of my PDA. I don't think he even knew where the list was kept and obviously not an idea of my PDA's status. Man, was I really irritated by then. Imagine a new PDA purchase but for almost one month, no PDA.

Normally, I don't blow my top that too often (especially in public) but in this case, I got pretty angry and annoyed and lodged an official complaint on this to HN. Bur to my surprise, HN has no complaint form. All the counter staff could do was an empty piece of paper. Even an empty piece of paper will do, so I wrote my complaint and sealed it in an envelope handed to the sales counter staff.

But this is not the end of the incident, to date I have not received any acknowledgement from the management of Harvey Norman. That's right up to today!!!

I did eventually received my repaired PDA a couple of days later. But since that incident, I have not step into Harvey Norman. And my advice to all: DON'T PATRONIZE HARVEY NORMAN.

No wonder, Civil Servant - No energy

Read in the Star - 20 to 30% of civil servant doing part-time jobs (some even have 3 jobs part-time). No wonder they don't have the energy to do the job properly. - Extra long tea breaks, no response or reply when you write to them.

Any wonder why we always complain about the service levels of the civil servants. Can we blame them - low salary, no respect from public. Cost of living goes up, petrol price goes up, toll rates goes up. Ever wondered why corruption seems so hard to get rid of?

A waste of money

Sometimes, I wonder what kind of people we have running the sport bodies? For that matter, the people running the government, local / city councils, etc.

For example, the 'high performance sports centre' in UK. Why spend RM69m to refurbish the current building? (Scaled down from RM500m). What benefits will we really get from this project? Any Malaysian with common sense will know that you can't make an average athlete into a superstar no matter how good the sports facilities or the trainer is. This I learnt from Simon Cowell (American Idol judge) who said "I cannot make a mediocre singer into a superstar". You either have it or not. The money is better used to unearth potential stars and train these stars.

Where's the courtesy?

This happened to me during one of my CNY dinner in one of the Lala Chong restaurant (branch), as normal, we placed our order with the head waiter. After about 20 minutes, the dishes started arriving at our tables.

But for one of the dishes - vegetables, it was not what we had specifically ordered. But what riled us up was the waiter(s) insistence that the vege dish was what we ordered. Even the head waiter (after consulting another waiter) concurred with us. But there was this waiter which carried the dish to the chef and returning to our table, insisting it was our order.

Needless to say, we did not accept that particular dish. Now if the chef or waiter had said 'They had run out of the vegetable we ordered and suggest a replacement vege", we wouldn't have minded. But to insist that we ordered that particular dish, what the gall! As if we did not know our vege.

Another incident happened last week, in one of the coffeshop near my house. As normal, we were thinking of places to go for dinner and ended at a coffeshop where we have not patronised. Placed our order and waited...waited...waited... for more than 30 minutes. Other patrons who came later, had their dinner and left. But we were still waiting for our dinner, what we noticed was this, they were serving those who were on take-away orders.

Not one to take this slight, we duly cancelled our order and placed our order with another stall. Food came in less than 5 minutes. Definitely will not patronise this stall in the future. Again, not a word of apology.

Busybody motorists

Yesterday, whilst on the way to Petaling Jaya, was caught in heavy traffic along Federal Highway. After slowly moving, crawling to be exact, I discovered the reason for the traffic jam - tada! - the police was having a roadblock along the motorcycle lane. This was confirmed by a news article in The Star Online - Click here for the article

The roadblock was not the issue but the motorists who slow down, out of curiosity to see what's happening, causing the traffic jam. Better still, on the opposite side of the highway, you guess it, also heavy traffic.

By the way, it must have been pretty 'profitable' for the police, imagine more than 2,500 summonses. Each summon, say worth RM30. Total takings for 4 hour operation = RM75k